Football Related Gossip
Which Saints player was this after one too many beers????
The Saints new away strip as worn by their big tough number 9!!
When asked where he was born on the signing on form which player put in the box Heath Hospital?!! That has got to be the best I have ever seen.
Who moved the arrows showing the directions on the recent triathlon, pointing them to another route the longer way around the warren. I’m not sure who it was so I won’t CAST an opinion on the matter!
Comment of the day yesterday from Fil Wis.
” Boys they are making you look stupid.”
This is after the squad, plus the manager himself had all dressed up as ”ladies” to go to Newcastle on the last day of the season. Not only that but they were all playing with full make up on!!!!
Which Saints “supremo”, in a conversation about the clubs forthcoming foray in to 20/20 cricket, asked two other lesser members of the commitee if you could get left handed cricket bats. He then tried to hide his embarrasment by saying that he had only been joking and tried to bribe one of the aforementioned gentlemen that he would not give him a lift home if he didn’t say that he had been joking.
The lift was turned down anyway as the commitee member was not keen to be seen in the same car as him at that time in the morning - given the habit of the supremo driving around in his pyjamas.
Reward offered for identity of Streaker. Last seen hurdling the fence at Newtown’s Latham Park, I bet Colin Jackson couldn’t hurdle as good in only one sock!
One of Hay St Marys enforcers getting ready for the big final on Good Friday
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H’s half time talk today at Wooferton included feeding one of his team nicotine. Wonder who it was who was desperate for the health kick??
Which high ranking Saints official was seen driving his car this morning in Hay in his PJ’s. Not only that the jimjams were also inside out!! Next time somebodys left their keys at home get changed first.
I’ve just seen a photo of one of the players going the extra yard for beauty, it’s bad enough players staying in on a Friday night to highlight their hair ready for a match, but having false nails put on is going one step too far!
Three of the first team boys were going out Friday night but didn’t go in the end due to one having his hair coloured ready for the match the next day, they all had to stay in due to him going blonde, yet if you ask him his natural colour he will tell you it’s strawberry blonde!
Which Saints Res player embarassed himself today by celebrating one of the goals by doing a forward roll and then pretending to fire a pump action shotgun. First clue,one of his mates celebrates his goals like this and, he wouldn’t have been able to do it before his slimfast diet!!
Did you hear about the 3 cars which got lost going to Bont recently, while the rest of us took just over an hour and drove 54 miles to get there the other 3 cars took 2 and half hours and drove around 100 miles, they went over mountains through farmers gates, even getting out opening the gate, then shutting it and driving off several metres to a sign which said NO MOTOR VEHICLES PAST THIS POINT. Boys you might be good at football but map reading hmmmm? And some of you had the nerve to blame the manager as if he would be dull enough to do the above!!!!
Which member of the Saints Reserves has lost a stone in weight in the last 7 days on the slim fast diet, also is there any truth in the rumour that he got changed next to Jamie Howard on Saturday to make himself look even thinner!!
I was sent a photo the other day of one of the under 18’s new football boots, the player also plays for the senior Saints, check them out when you get a chance, they are the brightest pink boots you will ever see.
If you get invited by a certain Saints football Manager to a barbeque at his home don’t have a keebab if he offers you one as I know where the skewers have been!
On the way to Hereford last Saturday some of the lads stopped in Clyro for petrol, one of the players filled his car to the brim, he then walked in to the garage and said book it to my in laws please and walked out. He also told another Saint who was behind in the queue please don’t tell anyone(bad mistake).
It’s been reported to me that one of the second team boys always ends his texts to the manager with a couple of kisses(xx), not sure if he is batting for the other side and fancies H or is just trying to be nice to get a game.
I heard a little rumour that our under 18’s travelled all the way to Ludlow last night(Tuesday 18th) for a league fixture looking to build on last weeks win against Llandrindod youth, all the players were really up for this one, Kevin Goodwin even missed the Hereford United fa cup replay to be there. Once they arrived they found they were there on their own, thats because the fixture is tomorrow night Thursday 20th! Now who is your money on to blame, the older experienced one (alzheimers setting in!) or the young wannabe(L plates r us !). Only joking lads we’ve all drove to Ludlow on a Tuesday when the game is on a Thursday NOT!
It looks like one of our Managers is a David Beckham wannabe. Ask him where he was holidaying just over 9 months ago and then ask him the name of his recent newborn son.
I’ve seen it all now, at today’s reserve game one of our elderly fans was having trouble by the bottom of our stand which is quite steep, up steps a certain manager who spends several seconds pushing and shoving the fan trying to get him up into the stand, that is until the irate fan told him he was trying to get down not up.
I had a letter recently off an irate lady in Hereford complaining of a minibus full of Saints players and supporters urinating all over her garden after a pee break on the way to Worcester on a night out. I asked her for a description but she said she never looked up at their faces! I tried to do more investgating but all 15 on the bus said it was Tom Weaver, poor lad has only just left the country and he’s already being stabbed in the back.
Whose Mum was livid on Sunday morning when she went to use her hair straighteners and found they had gone missing, her naughty son had taken them to Aberystwyth on Joe Macs birthday weekend to do his hair before he went out!
First it was HUGO and now we’ve got a GODFREY! It can’t get any worse or can it?
The referee at yesterdays home game made someones day by calling a certain person YOUNG LADY, apparently she hasn’t stopped smiling since!
Does anyone know what the AH on Harris’ t shirt means? I’m getting worried because when he applied for the job he told me he wanted to conquer Europe like one of his heros, I thought he meant Fergie, but I’m thinking it might be someone else now.
Oh dear oh dear, who got stuck in a flood yesterday? He had to pushed out by his team mates after the game and there is photograhic evidence to prove it. Look young man everyone went around the flood but oh no HUGO through it and get stuck!
I ASKED SUNDAY SAINTS MANAGER GARETH RATCLIFFE WHAT THE HELL HE WAS DOING THIS MORNING, TO WHICH HE REPLIED “I THOUGHT THE JOB ADVERT SAID COUNTY COUNCILOR , BUT WHEN I CHECKED THE SMALL PRINT IT ACTUALLY SAID COUNCIL WORKER!
Can someone remind Sam Mac when he’s getting changed for a match that the club badge and number go at the front on his shorts!
After the game tonight I was at the bar in the Wheatshef and said out loud “whose feet are stinking”? To which one of our players replied “is it mine”? and promptly sniffed his armpits! And no it wasn’t Steve Goodwin!
DON’T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN YOUR MASCARA RUNS!
While we are on the subject of names, I hear a certain WAG introduced herself to two of our up and coming starlets(Atky and Rooney) not by her real name but as the “Captains Girlfriend”!
Which Saints player was christened with the name HUGO but never uses it and goes by his second name which you would all know him by, of course this is confidential stuff so if you want to know who he is just ask me!
A member of the Saints came around my house last night to collect his new training top, I asked him if he wanted a coffee but he refused saying he was off home to watch big brother, he admitted to me today he was excited about his new top and wanted to try it on, he sat watching big brother wearing it while puffing his chest out and looking at himself in the mirror every 5 seconds!
Which member of the Saints committee who recently rang the fire brigade about a bale of hay being on fire behind one of the stands was today phoned up by victim support asking if he needs counselling from the trauma. Imagine that a councillor being counselled!
Sned texting all the boys about the smart blonde he pulled last night and how she’s raring to go for round two!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another of our up and coming starlets bit the dust last night after challenging Tom Weaver to a drinking competition, the young wing wizard thought he could cope drinking with the big boys but that’s where it all went wrong. He ended up being carried onto the Clyro Court free bus by Sam Powell and then chucked up everywhere whilst coming home, Sam decided he best take him to his house so the youngsters parents wouldn’t see him in this state. After collapsing in Sam’s brothers bedroom he went looking for a toilet in the middle of the night and ended up in the bedroom of the not very amused and startled Mr and Mrs Powell!
I was so pleased this morning to have a visit to my house from todays groom to be, I thought to myself how nice of one our players to take time out on his wedding morning to come and have a cup of tea with the Chairman. How wrong could I have been, he wanted to borrow a pair of shoes off me for his wedding having just come from the Sunday sides manager’s house where he asked to borrow his car!
While we are on the subject of the brains of Britain he was also spotted looking for a broom after being told it was his turn to clean the changing room until someone explained that it was an away game he was at!
Which youngster who has featured for the 1st team this season was bragging that he had passed all his exams with A’s and B’s with ease. He then told everyone to follow him to Leominster as he knew the way to Woofferton and promptly drove to Breadwardine, when asked after why he said”I thought that was the quickest way”.
If you’ve received a photo of a naked Mummy’s little boy just delete it(they were sent to most people on his phone while he slept), he fell asleep while in Swansea and had his clothes removed and was photographed nude. He obviously didn’t having Mummy to tuck him in bed safely and read him a good night story!
What player spent Saturday night in Swansea walking around in his Nan’s dress, he even went to the pubs and a nightclub wearing it. Another Pete Burns in the making!
I’ve now got the team names from the prison game yesterday, this is top secret but my mate Dave knows someone on the inside and managed to get them. Squad from-R.Biggs, H.Shipman, R.West, K.Dodd, L.Piggot, J.T.Ripper, M.Hindley, G.Glitter, R.Kray, P.Suttcliffe, Canoe Mann, R.Kray and H.Lector.
I’m so pleased that everyone enjoyed last nights session with drill instructor Gordon Snape, Gordon has promised to come back and do a proper session after the little light warm up one he did last night.He has also promised to bring buckets next time as not to clog the pitch up with spew like last night!
I have in the boot of my car a pair of size 8 blue umbro football boots someone has left behind after a recent training session, give me a call if they belong to you because Tom Weaver has his eye on them, he’s already bid 80 pence for them stating that he needs boots because Kev hasn’t given him any hand me downs lately!
One of our up and coming younger players was nowhere to be seen last Saturday night when his Dad turned up to collect him from Clyro Court, after a long wait for Dad the said player appeared from the round the back of Clyro looking rather flushed in tow was a young lady. I’m guessing they were sticking to the no smoking policy and nipped around the back for a quickie!
You know the football season has kicked off when you looked at our snack attack van and saw the Tunley boy and Andrew Harris pushing and shoving to get the first bacon roll of the season. Can anyone put any light on the rumour that Harris has asked Gaynor and Steph if they will move the catering van to the other side of the pitch so he can combine his managerial role and try and win the bacon roll eating championship award 2008/2009 which he lost so narrowly to the Tunley boy last season.
While preparing the ground this afternoon ready for the new season which two committee members managed to get the mower stuck between a floodlight and the fence around the ground? Luckily there was no damage and the ground is looking excellent.
It was like he’d never been away, the Jones/Wisniewski partnership was back in business again yesterday at the Hay school tournament. This picture was taken after Kevin Jone’s shot was heading for the tree by the corner flag and Wizza was waiting at the back post all of one yard out(he argues it was 2 yards) to tap in his first goal for over a year.
I’ve always wondered who the real Santa is and now I know, you wouldn’t believe but he’s one of the Saints most loyal supporters. He turned up yesterday to open the school fete and watch the football tournament after.
Josh Wisniewski has only been back a couple of days and already havoc has been caused in the football club after his party. A certain Saints striker and manager to be were caught last night, around the back of the golf club, with their tongues down each others throats. Luckily one of my moles happened to have a camera with them for you all to see.
(Two extras from Brokeback Mountain)
An apology from me to you all I’ve not been able to get on here a lot lately due to festivals and now yet another pre season knee operation. I’m finally having a new knee which I know will really worry Kevin Jones, Rob Snedden and Josh Wiz for next season seeing as one of them will have to get benched once I get my fitness and natural lightening pace back. To the rest of you who have been up to no good just remember I’m watching you! Some of you think you may have got away with things but you haven’t, like taking young girls on dates up the festival, being sick in vans and the back of cars.
Poor ole Noosh, he could be out for 8 to 10 weeks with his knee injury, the club wishes him well in his recovery. The things players do these days to get out of pre-season training!
I was out last night having a meal for my lads 19th bithday when I heard one of the Saints players(who was with us) ask his Mother would she go into the kitchen and ask the Chef to cut the fat off his steak. OH DEAR OH DEAR. Mummys little boy is back once again!
It finally happened he made his debut in the big semi-final against our local rivals Gwernyfed, it doesn’t get much better than this,your 2-0 up with 10 to go and your brought on to use your electrifing pace against a tired defence. He comes on and strolls up front with his collars up a’ la Eric Cantona like, the ball is with keeper Kirkham he screams to Kirks ”pass to me pass to me”,Kirkham unleashes one of his bombs skyward it comes down on his chest,he kills it with one puff out of that muscular chest of his,the ball is now at his feet so he turns and starts running at the first defender,he swivels his hips to the left and the defender goes with him but he goes right,the defender is on his ass, he thinks “this is easy this football lark”, one more defender in his way so another burst of that pace kicks in and the second defender is left for dead, he is now through on goal all the Saints fans are off their seats and on tip toes amazed at the speed and skill of this new striker, he thinks”two more strides and I’m going blast this up into to the top corner” he takes the first stride and then the second….. Thats were it all went wrong and he fell flat on his face and the ball rolled through to the Gwernyfed keeper. His last thoughts as his face hit the mud were not of the goal he could of scored not of his debut but ” oh no, Tonka and that bloody website”.
It’s just come to light that we may have a murderer at the club. A certain player/supporter wanted to know if a new fishing bait he had made was any good so he decided to try it out on his childrens pet fish. When his children went down in the morning not knowing about any of this, they found their pet fish doing backstroke or in other words floating on their back DEAD!
Talking of the top man he wasn’t pleased today, while buying one of the Saints younger loyal supporters a packet of sweets the lady behind the counter said thats nice of your Grandad to do that!
I heard some alarming news today while coming from penybont today, I asked why a certain midfielder hadn’t played and was told by the top man that he had to go shopping with the Mrs to be!
I now have on my computer a video of a Saint who is gone but not forgotten, the ex player in question is singing a variety of different songs while looking into the camera wearing different outfits. I hear he wants to give Rhydian from x factor a run for his money next year,the only difference is Rhydian can sing! CHECK OUT THE VIDEO ON MY FACEBOOK OR YOUTUBE. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlG_4aPsR4w
Which current Saints 1st team player was over Clyro Court Saturday and so drunk he didn’t realise a player from one of our local rivals was hitting him on the head with their genitals!
I’m not sure what some of the old players would make of this next bit of information which was texted to me after our recent win in the cup final. A certain player got changed and then spent ages putting his fake tan on before leaving the changing room!
I’ve had another phone call about one of our players who lives with his girlfriend but still goes home in the mornings for his sandwich box before work but this one gets Daddy to make them.
Which Saints fan thought he was John Travolta last night over Clyro Court? He ran the length of the hall and slid on his knees like they do in the movies only he fell straight onto his back with everyone watching and laughing their heads off. He of course tried to make out it was part of his dance and did some silly move which you do when you make a twat of yourself!
Which Saints first team player who lives with his other half still gets his Nanny to make his bait box, he goes around there every morning to collect it and to get a peck on the cheek before he leaves for work.
What Saints star striker got himself into a smelly situation on Saturday afternoon. While travelling back from a lovely afternoons shopping in Hereford he decided to break wind but went one better and followed through. He said to me “when I took my boxers off they were stained and it looked like a map of Ireland on them”. Oh yeah he also said “please don’t tell my Mrs”. Mate you know I wouldn’t do that but I’m not sure about the rest of the people who read this!
A little birdy told me today that one of supporters pulled some young lady and took her back to his hotel room where he met one of our players,the player then spent 15 minutes trying to persuade the young lady that 3 was more fun than 2 if you get my drift. Well after 15 he got the message and went to bed and sulked all night. I really can’t say who this is because he’s Mummys little boy and she wouldn’t like it!
What committee member was seen putting the youngsters to shame dancing in Peer Pressure nightclub in Aber on Saturday night, he and his good lady were strutting their stuff so I’m told.
What Saints player who hasn’t made the gossip page for quite a while after being the star of it early days didn’t wake up in time for the Aber game and missed his lift so he had to get his Mummy to drive him all the way there!
I’ve also had information on another loyal supporter(part time player) who was allegedly seen kissing another MAN on Saturday night though I’m not convinced on this one because the two sources who told me aren’t the most trustworthy people about(wind up merchants). So if any of you saw a not that tall supporter kissing a bald man in a denim jacket on Saturday night get in touch so I can confirm this to my loyal readers. Until then I won’t mention the lads name because that just wouldn’t be fair plus his Dad is a local solicitor and I Don’t want a law suit!
What loyal Saint supporter and (part time player ) tried to get in touch with his feminine side on Saturday by wearing his girlfriends knickers!
I had a phone call yesterday off one of the bouncers from Clyro Court informing me that one of our lot was offered 20 English pounds if they got off with a TRANSVESTITE who happened to be staying over there. The worrying thing was he(one of us) was well up for it at one time but did back down in the end. I wonder if he’s wishing he did now that he’s out of work and could do with the money but thats another story that we won’t go into this time!
Which committee member went home on Saturday night and decided to decorate his bathroom around midnight in RED WINE vomit? I’m sure it won’t take you long to work that one out seeing as we don’t have loads of red wine drinkers in the club!
I’ve heard some alarming news today which needs getting to the bottom of. A certain Saint first teamer sent the Manager a text recently saying” Don’t worry about it you know I love you babe”. Now I’m not sure what this is all about but I will be doing my usual detective work to find out. Maybe the Manager dropped this player by text and said sorry and that was the players response? Maybe the player himself would like to tell me because I don’t have a clue, BUT I do know who you are! Ha Ha.
Which Sunday League Saint who prides himself on being Arsenals number 1 fan was today seen in Prague wearing a SPURS shirt. I have photographic evidence of the JUDUS one.
Bow Street chose Chris Preece as our man of the match after our win on Saturday, so Preecy or should I say( Grandads little boy) stepped up and necked down the half yard of ale in 10.8 seconds a new club record or is it? Official time keeper Andrew Anorexic Harris is doubting this because he didn’t time it. Andrew was quoted saying “I was at the bar seeing if the bar staff could do me a quick bacon roll for supper when the event took place so it doesn’t count”. We will need to sort this out at the next committee meeting because I don’t want Preecer getting upset or his Grandad.
REWARD OFFERED….. Who let the Managers tyres down on Saturday night after the game outside our HQ ? Also a reward is being offered to trace the two X Factor wannabees who were singing “You’ve lost that loving feeling” outside MY frontdoor at 4.55am Sunday morning. I forsee a couple of club fines heading their way. Answers to me please and before you all ring and say it was Noosh I know for a fact it wasn’t him because he can’t sing!
Which injured Sunday side player boasted he could beat the official yard of ale record the other Saturday? Up he stepped and failed miserably. He was told to stick to being a family man and drinking coco and wathcing dancing on ice on Saturdays in the future.
As you all know I usually collect the money at half-time but yesterday Andrew stick insect Harris wanted to do it claiming he could lose another pound in weight going around the pitch. I wasn’t complaining and stood there enjoying my half time cup of tea when out the corner of my eye I saw Grandad taking a mars bar onto the pitch for Grandads little boy. Whatever next? I did hear someone saying “He’ll be tying his laces up before kick off next”.
First of all we had Mummys little boy(Snedz) and now we have Grandads little boy. Let me explain, while I was collecting the gate money from our supporters on Saturday one of them gave me an envelope and said that’s from me to pay my Grandsons fines for being booked. So Grandads little boy I expect you will be out this weekend getting PLASTERED with the money you’ve saved!
There was another hat-trick scored on Saturday, after Kev Joey Jones scoring a double hat-trick on the pitch Andrew(I’m on a diet) Harris scored one off it with three of Gaynors finest bacon rolls. Andew was quoted as saying “I know the record is 4 by the Tunley boy but I gave it my best shot and accept I need more practise”. Andrew also defended his diet by saying” It’s not a problem because Gaynor cut the fat off”.
A member of the Saints committee who started a diet for the new year to get fit and go knocking on Rattys door for a place in the team was recently caught on mobile phone(pic) (which was sent to me) eating a large Bigmac meal with extra large fries and cheese burger, with a sweet curry sauce(full of sugar). When confronted with the evidence he said ” it’s ok because I had Large DIET COKE with it”.
What Striker for the Sunday side will be making his first start of the season this weekend after being out with a serious chipped toe nail for the last 14 months?
While out last Friday(mad friday) I noticed for the second week running one of the Saints defender/midfielder throwing pool balls at people. Tom Weaver was trying to buy some smokes from the vending machine and dodge flying pool balls at the same time, Tom used his well known body swerve on several occasions to avoid serious injury. I always thought this lad was one of the quiet ones how wrong could I have been. So if you see him PLASTERED by the pool table be afraid be very afraid!
Which member of Hays high flying Sunday league side nearly caused a riot in Harleys? When talking to the DJ he touched a button on the decks and the music stopped. Only the skills of a highly talented DJ(??) got him out of Brecon alive.
I’ve decided after a decade of holding the title that I’m giving up my crown as STUD OF THE CLUB. The knee is now finally gone and with those grey hairs starting to show and I noticed a wrinkle the other day so I’m quitting while I’m ahead. Now I need some contenders for my title and as luck as it I received some information last night about a possible worthy replacement. This person has been seen out and about lately with a pretty blonde Paris Hilton wannabe who drives a mini convertable, he’s been strutting his stuff with her over the court the last few weeks. This lad is the older member of the Strawberry blonde brigade who play at the back. I think he could be a very worthy contender unless you know of anyone better so give me a text if you know of anyone else who wants the crown. Obviously the girls have to be over 16 so thats Harris out the running!
Which current high ranked member of the Saints was in hot water on Saturday night? He and his other half were invited to a neighbours house for Christmas drinks and nibbles along with all their other neighbours. Well of course we hammered Llandod on Saturday and the beer was flowing after the game and you know how it is one more then I’m off which means another 4 and I’m off. He finally left for the party and once he got there he immediately fell asleep for the night on the neighbours settee!
At 8pm last night the half yard of ale club record was broken along with the half yard of ale glass. Preecy stepped up first with 17.4 seconds which was easily beaten by Ian Jones 12.2. Tom Weaver(slowest drinker in the world) was going to go next until Andy pointed out he wanted lock the pub up by 12 so Weave stood down and Preecy had another go and the record was down to 12.1 seconds. Preecy got so excited the glass went flying through the air and hit official time keeper Andrew Harris in the side of the head.
Maybe white socks are back in fashion after birthday boy Chris Preece was spotted last night in a pair. I pointed this out to the lads and we had a discussion on the matter, the matter was resolved after they were ripped off Preecy’s feet and lobbed onto the fire along with Ollie Cookes boxer shorts which is another story which we won’t go into.
It looks like we will have to have a club name change the way things are going at the moment. At 7 pm on saturday night one of the Saints stood in the centre of the Wheater and snogged another male(maggot) tongues and all. I don’t know what the club is coming to, before we know it we’ll be called Hay st Fairies! This is such a serious issue that I will not be giving any clues out to the name of this person because it wouldn’t be fair on his 2 school teacher parents!
Now then who locked Andy(manager of the Wheater) in the cellar when he went to change a barrell on saturday night. Poor Andy was locked away for a good ten minutes until he was rescued by one of his staff. Word on the street is that it was a midfielder from the Saints who specialises in coming off the bench and getting booked within 10 minutes of being on the pitch!
Looks as though the Fashion Police were busy this weekend as 4 current Saints players tried to use a 70’s,80’s & 90’s night as an excuse to dress up and look really stupid. Two of them even swapped clothes half way through the night which is a little worrying. These 2 are in the same boy band, with the other 2 being, a brother of one of them and the other being quick off the mark, which is useful if you are running low on fuel.
What is wrong with white socks and dark trousers? Michael Jackson made a fortune dressing like this. It’s retro and it’s back.
While we are on the subject of birthdays which former goal machine(not me) was in bad books the other night for not sending his Daddy a birthday card. His Daddy informed me of this last night but it’s not Daddy who is mad with him it’s Mummy, she was seething. Again I can’t say who it was but if he wasn’t in America Mummy would have grounded him for a week!
I nearly had to ring the Police last night(The Fashion police). I was in the Wheater about five and out the corner of my eye I spotted the guilty one sitting there sipping his lager. He was wearing a nice trendy pair of black shoes a smart pair of dark jeans and BRIGHT WHITE SOCKS. I decided to have a quiet word in his ear and told him his secret was safe with me because I wouldn’t let anyone know his name but everyone likes a clue so I thought I’d make it very hard this time. He was a birthday boy this weekend and it wasn’t Fil or Preecy!
I’ve just this minute been told some alarming news. A member of the Saints family was overheard on the way back from Clyro Court recently asking if he could wear a certain young ladies shoes. He wore them most of the way home until he was also overheard saying “these heels are killing me”. I’m not sure if this is a fetish of his or just something he does in his spare time. I’ve phoned the person in question and he owned up to it and also added please don’t put it on the web. As if I would mate!
A big happy 21st birthday to The Saints Josh Davies this weekend. Josh celebrated with a party at The Golf Club in Hay. While we are on the subject of his party which Saints player was seen throwing a drink over the DJ and then legging with an unhappy DJ chasing him down the road!
I have in my house locked away in my safe a photograph which was taken very recently of a certain Hay Saint Marys player. In the photo the player is wearing just a pair of boxer shorts which he is pulling down in a suggestive type pose in his living room. You may think that it’s come from his girlfriend while they were fooling around but it actually came from a mate of mine who plays for the same side as Elton John, Dale Winton and Julian Clary if you know what I mean. There is some serious questions need asking here,like why, where ,who and when. I know the answers to all so come on lads get your money out for the club and I’ll show you the photo and tell you the story!
My MOLE has been on the phone again and tells me a certain young man who plays for the Saints was seen leaving a flat early Friday morning after going back there with TWO ladies. One was aged 26 and the other 46! What I need to find out is which one he was with or was he playing that old training ground favourite one v two?
Which current Saints first teamer was stood up on Saturday night? The player has been trying to charm a certain young lady from Kington for several weeks now and she finally agreed to meet him tonight. After putting on his favourite aftershave and a clean pair of boxer shorts he made his way to the Wheatsheaf(home of the saints) to meet the young lady in question. The Lady never turned up so if you saw the player sobbing in his beer you now know why. Answers on a postcard please with his ID to the web Administrator or if your a modern man an e mail will be suffice.
The Kilverts hotel contacted the Website early this morning after the theft of several items from thier pub. Two members of the Saints football team were seen legging it towards the Wheatsheaf one carrying a chair under his arm the other carrying two ashtrays. The owner of the Kilverts said the club ties gave it away that they were footballers. She described the one as having strawberry blonde hair(GINGER) and the other was short and she thought she’d seen him working in a bookshop!
Saturdays man of the match Tom Weaver disgraced himself after the game with the most pathetic attempt ever seen in downing a yard of ale. Weaver still pumped up after the game and wearing a fetching Bob Marley wig(who happens to be a second cousin of his) climbed up onto a bar stool infront of a packed Wheatshef pub. Weaver tilted the glass back and started to drink to the cheering crowd. Weaver Weaver Weaver echoed around the pub then to the amazement of all the onlookers the drink came down with roughly a thimble full gone. People in the backround were whispering “is he a man or a mouse”. Weaves then had two more attempts but spilled most of it down his club tie( which I think should be a club fine). Weaver climbed down with his head bowed in disgrace. Ian Jones was next up and he nearly downed it in one but fell at the last hurdle. It was left to Centre back Chris Preece to climb and neck it down in one to the cheers of the pub! If your reading this Tom I just want you to know you let the boys down with your pathetic girly attempt!
The Saints team had a night out last night after yesterdays 7-o victory in the Emrys morgan cup. Eight of the team travelled to Worcester BUT only six made it home. Two were missing in action but have finally arrived home and all was revealed to their giggling mates. One of the players who enjoyed the local cooking threw the take away container on the floor next to a bin, one of the local boys in blue asked him to put it in the bin to which the player said “I can’t it’s full”. The police officer then told him to take it and put it another bin nearby the player concerned crossed the road and put it on top of what the officer thought was a bin and walked off. By now Mr Policeman was getting very annoyed at the player who was very soon sporting a fetching pair of West Mercia handcuffs and in Worcester nick arrested for being drunk and disorderly. He was released at 10.ooam the following morning where his Dad picked him up. The other player went awol and reckons he got lost and confused so he rang his Mummy to come and pick him up. Mummy arrived at 2.30am the same time as the ordered mini bus to take the players home. Let me tell you know Mummy was not happy one little bit and her ickle boy is now grounded! We pride ourselves on confidentiality on this site but do like to give little clues but hard ones at that. The arrested player is a about 6 foot 5 and from kington( if your thick and still can’t get it he’s a goalkeeper). He’s also 80 pound worse off from his fine. The other player Mummys little boy, well his name is Rob Snedden!
There was a major upset last night at The first ever Hay st marys Question of sport quiz night. The event was held at the Con Club Hay and was organised by club captain Steve Jenkins. The red hot favourites Boyz to men were beaten after leading all the way up until the last 10 questions. Tears were spilled from team Captain Andrew Harris and vice captain Jamie Howard. Andrew said ” We will be back in training as soon as possible. It’s a major blow but we have to take it on the chin and get on with it”. Boyz to men were beaten on the night by worthy champions The Chicken Wingers whose team consisited of Martin (mind my knee ) Tong, Badger (I can see a whippet on that trophy) Barrell, Peter ( Gwerenyfed rfc legend) Carey and Peter (Lord of the manor) Tindle. Team Captain Martin Tong was quoted as saying ” The Boyz to men need to know it was a marathon not a sprint”. A great night was had by all with Derek Keeble saying a big thank you to all who helped organise the event. One last thing to the Harris and Howard family who were seen walking off shaking their heads. There is always next year lads!
Rumour has it that Loyal Saints fan Andrew Harris is the bookies odds on favourite to win this Tuesdays Question of sport quiz. The under 9’s coach has put together a dream team and is determined to win the main prize. The team consists of Mike Harris ( Father) who specialises in Equine studies (the Horses) and mixed darts. The next member is Derek Howard who specialises in Wolverhampton Wanderers 60’s and 70’s football teams. The third member is Jamie Howard who specialises in Wing Wizardry and getting up and down the field for 60 minutes. Andrew the Captain, the fourth member of the team specialises in the Art of spin bowling and under 9 football tactics. Andrew told the web this morning ” It’s the winning that counts. We are using a one, one, two, all out attack formation. It will take a very special team to beat us. We’ve been in strict training with Derek Howard putting us Lads through our paces in the classroom”.
Reward offered for information in finding out which two current Saints team managers were seen out last Saturday night. One was seen dancing on a pool table and another seen doing the conga through the streets of Hay. An eye-witness has reported a middle aged man with a pony tail leaving the scene of the crime. Later the same evening another witness noticed the Conga dancer was wearing a pair of tights and carrying a haggis in his boxer shorts. If anyone has anymore information on these crimes please e mail the club administrator.
Striker Michael Ward has become a father for the first time, he and his partner have a bouncing baby boy as do Goalkeeper Ian Jones and his partner. Congratulations to all from the Club.
After the victory over Builth Wednesdays some of the players were out having a few beers(orange juice if Big Fil is reading) when they bumped into some of the youth players, one of the Senior Saints wannabee(Josh Branson) was told he needed to drink a pint of vinegar to be a true Saint. Josh passed the ACID test by downing it in one. Well done Josh but it’s your football skills that will get you in the team not necking pints of Sarsons finest. I’m not sure who put him up to this but my money is on a certain Mr Weaver and Mr Jones!
Hay were hoping new signing Bryan Kirkham would be available for selection for tonights league game against Builth Wednesday. ko 7.30
